Today I got up in time to get ready for class for the first time in weeks. Recently, I’ve only managed to roll out of bed moments before I should be leaving. It was quite a refreshing experience. I checked my e-mail, moseyed along to the kitchen, made myself a toad-in-the-hole, & proceeded to get ready at a leisurely pace. I even remembered to say my morning prayers before leaving the house. I have to say it changed my entire outlook for the day. Yes, I was still tired in class & am just drowning in anticipation of a mid-morning nap, but I got so much more out of my classes. I love my Tuesday & Thursday classes, by the way. Book of Mormon & New Testament! I can’t believe I am getting credit for taking classes that I enjoy so much.
“For I say unto you, that if he had not extended his arm in the preservation of out fathers, they must have fallen into the hands of the Lamanites, and become victims to their hatred.”
-Mosiah 1:14
This verse was in the midst of my reading for the day. Yet, among all the verses I read, it stood out to me the most. Why, you may ask. It is because of its implications. It says to me that it is quite possible that the Lord preserves us many times from things that we didn’t even know were a real threat to us. It says we can’t even begin to realize how indebted we are to God for his constant vigilance. It says that maybe I should be a little more cautious & obedient & grateful or such blessings might not continue in my life for the Lord has preserved me many times already, of that I am sure.
Yesterday I was doing my reading for New Testament & I realized about 7/8 of the way through that I was reading the wrong chapters, but low & behold, they turned out to be the right ones after all, my teacher having (unbeknownst to us) decided to switch up the order of the lessons. Yet again, I felt impressed at how through such small “incidents” the Lord shows his hand in our lives. I was prepared for the lesson, just as I should have been.
All of this (in addition to other things) adds up to a couple of thoughts tumbling through my head right now. First comes to mind the verse that says “all things unto me are spiritual” (D&C 29:34). I thought I understood that verse. I thought I realized that nothing in our lives is not useful for our profit & learning, but somehow my little neat-freak of a mind has pigeon-holed so many things into having only limited scope. I believed that everything happens for a reason, but it somehow didn’t occur to me that everything that happens could have many reasons, reasons that might not be realized for weeks or months or years or even in this lifetime. I’m realizing how narrow the scope of my own existence is & how little I understand of the meaning of even little occurrences in my life. I’m realizing how big an impact one small step or word can make & to be honest, it’s thoroughly intimidating. I was fool to think for a second that I knew where my actions were leading specifically. All I really know is that I want to be with my Heavenly Father again & I want to be with my family for eternity. God has given us specific instructions on how to do this, rules & regulations that free us from the weight of making ignorant decisions on our own, but all things & situations are not accounted for. That is why we need personal revelation, pretty much so we can understand, in our own terms, the revelation he’s already given us, but sometimes not. Sometimes the decisions before us seem ambiguous & harmless either way. We could not possibly foresee where they will take us, so we must turn to our Master in deference, acknowledging (wait, you’re gonna love this) our limited scope! As you can imagine, as I run these thoughts through my head, I am left but one conclusion to make: I need to lay down my pride & acknowledge that I’m just as lost as ever. I need help, lots of it & I know exactly where to find it : just where it’s always been.
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