For the Record

"When you really love something, then it loves you back, in whatever way it has to love" -John Knowles, A Separate Peace

I read A Separate Peace my freshman year in high school. I read it just the once & this quote is about all I remember of it. It, however, has been enough to help me understand the workings of relationships. From it I learned that what someone has to give might be too little for you. It might be too much, but rest assured, people give what they have to give at the time they have to give it. That which determines their capacity may not always be valid, but it is always real enough to the one who beholds it to stop them from going further or from using discretion as the case may be. This thought has always given me comfort, knowing that rejection is not a personal insult, merely a result of ill-fit.

And yet, I too fell prey to momentary despair. "Just friends" I said, as if friendship is something to scoff at. How ridiculous it sounds in hindsight. When I took a second to step back & look at what that encompasses, it sounded downright absurd. Someone to confide in, someone to laugh with, someone to cry with, someone who sees your weaknesses but loves you anyway (usually because of them), someone to learn with, someone to pass the time with, someone to remind you of who you are, what you stand for, & what you're working towards. That is exactly what I need right now & obviously Heavenly Father knows it. I am determined not to doubt it for a second.