Life in the Fast Lane

Today I had scripture study, read 50 pages of a homework assignment, took a few online quizzes (on my roommate's computer, no less because my power cord died yesterday), & my body feels like I ran a marathon. Flu really has a way of draining you of all energy. For days I've laid in bed without energy enough to even open my eyes for more than 30 minutes at a time. In the earliest stages of the illness, the thought came to by mind, "WHY FLU? WHY NOW?" As the days have passed, quickly fading into the next (seriously, I don't remember hardly any of last week), my answer has come sure & steady.

It's a pride thing.

It's the next step in my learning process to faith.

I hate asking people for help.
I hate being a burden on others.
I hate admitting that I'm not strong enough on my own.

This week I had no choice. I had a high fever for 4, almost 5, days straight. I had no energy. I had no appetite & no incentive to keep myself going. For the first 2 days, I laid in bed hoping that rest would cure it. Finally, after over 24 hours of a high fever & no Tylenol to take, I sucked it up, called my home teacher & asked a friend for a ride to the doctor.

If this week has taught me anything, it's that I am loved immensely & that there are many willing to rush to my side & give of themselves. I could not see any of that before because I was blinded by stubbornness & self-doubt & so, though it might sound a little crazy, I think contracting the flu virus has been one of the the biggest blessings I could have ever wished to receive. Now, with a fridge full of homemade soup, a hand full of get well notes, and a heart so ready to give back at least a small amount of the love that's been shown me in the last 7 days, I will rest assured that my recovery will include so much more than physical healing.

"The Lord wants us to know, if we have ears to hear, that we are finally and ultimately dependent upon him...In the wilderness of our own experience, when ever that may be for each of us, we will at some time and in some way confront that total dependence."

"We need to think of miracles not as all the phenomena we can't understand, but simply as the influence of divine forces. In a broad sense, divine forces are involved in all nature and technology. But if the Lord is directly involved in our personal affairs, that is a special miracle, however quiet, however common it may be."

- Bruce C. Hafen, The Believing Heart