A New Season Begins

According to research, nearly 70% of all problems reported in relationships are 'perpetual problems' meaning they never get fully resolved. What do I take from this? Simply that, whatever you're struggling with now, will probably be what you struggle with for the rest of your life. Sure, the context will change - different people, different time, different place, different circumstances altogether save 1 - YOU. Though the Atonement is real, if we do not utilize it, it might as well not be. Though people can change, if we don't make active efforts to do so, we will not. It is too easy to stay the same. It is easier yet to continue on a downward slope.

I've been thinking alot lately about the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30). How many times in the past I have been the unprofitable servant, hiding my talent out of fear or greed or pride or flat out laziness, but now, how I long to be far from each one of those things.

"For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath."

"If a man have all knowledge, and does not use it for good, it will prove a curse instead of a blessing as it did to Lucifer, the Son of the Morning." (Jeffrey R. Holland, Who We Are And What God Expects Us To Do)

Therefore,

"Seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith." (D&C 88:118)

I don't want to lose what I've gained over this last year in knowledge, in experience, in love of my fellow man. I am not the woman I was when I arrived here in Utah last April & I am glad of it because I know that I have sought to change in the right ways. I have worked hard, studied hard, paid close attention, & been overwhelmed with gratitude for the things that I have received. It is so real to me right now, but how easily it can pass from my grasp if I let it. As Poe said so eloquently,

"TAKE this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow —
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand —
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep — while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?"

No, Mr. Poe, it is not, but it is what we make of it. Even that which we have will be taken away from us if we do not use it properly or at all. With this in mind, I make a goal for myself for the coming summer. I completed the last of my finals yesterday & thus have ended my formal education until sometime in August. As a young girl I remember spending my summers reading book after book, watching television shows without number, and helping my mother clean our house. Some of these practices I have discarded for proper replacements, yet some of them are worth the effort of repeating & perfecting. This summer for me I hope shall be defined by 2 things - service & learning. My list of books to read grows ever longer & as of this moment consists of the following:

Discourses of Brigham Young
Lectures on Faith (Joseph Smith)
Standing For Something (Gordon B. Hinckley)
On Earth As It Is In Heaven (Jeffrey R. Holland)

The Believing Heart
The Broken Heart
The Beloved Heart
Covenant Hearts (Bruce C. Hafen)

The Lord of the Rings (J.R.R. Tolkien)
The Works of Anne Bradstreet
The Story of My Life (Helen Keller)

Spirits Rebellious
A Self Portrait
The Broken Wings (Kahlil Gibran)

The Screwtape Letter
Mere Christianity (C.S. Lewis)

& if time permits
Treasure Island (Robert Louis Stevenson)
Little Women - my favorite (Louisa May Alcott)

My list of service shall remain unstated, & many times unpremeditated, but with the help of the Lord, it too shall be ever increasing. I am excited to see what this summer yields. If the sunshine were all, I would count it as a blessing unmeasured, but I am certain the Lord has much more in store for me than that. Much, much more.