Definition of Me

Today I was reminiscing over the various roles I've held in my life, the parts of me that people use to define my very being, like, "Oh yeah, I know Jenny, she's the [ fill in the blank]."

According to my connection to you, I might have held several roles in your eyes. To my mother, for example, I've always been a daughter, but over the years, I've also filled the shoes of helper & friend. I think about how to different people I must have appeared so differently. I'm the teacher. I'm the student. I'm the writer, the flautist, the state champion powerlifter. To some I'm the convert, the missionary, the newlywed, or as of late, the invalid.

Contemplating these roles I've held, I wonder which one defines me best. If I could sum Jenny up in one word, what would that word be? Right now I have no idea either what it would be or if it is even possible, but I think that it must be. I look, for example, at the many life's accomplishments of my wonderful mother & to describe them all, only one word comes to mind: LOVE. I wish it were that simple for me. I wish I could see the true essence of myself.

In his talk at General Conference a couple of weeks ago, President Uchtdorf said we need to focus on the fundamental elements of our lives in order to slow down & refocus. There are 4 key relationships that will help us do this: our relationship with God, family, our fellowmen, and with ourselves. He said of the last,

"It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do. Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential."

I might have (of necessity) slowed my life down of late, but I'm certain that even in the stagnant moments, my focus has been misplaced. I have let my chronic illness come to define me, when it is not who I am. This must & will change.

What is that one word that defines me? I don't know, but I am determined to find out.