The Me I See

 Every woman secretly wants to be a trophy wife, the kind that all the other men around stop & take a second look at, the kind that cooks, cleans, & etc etc & looks great doing it. I feel like I have the potential to be one. I mean, not to be vain, but look at me in my better days. I was freaking awesome! I know, I know, it's not all about looks or weight. It's the inside that counts, blah, blah, blah, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have an outside that matches the inner me.When I look in the mirror, all I can see is the me I could be. I see me like I was in these pictures. I know I'm not getting any younger, but hopefully what I'm gaining in years, can be lost in pounds.

I look at my wedding pictures (well, my ring ceremony pictures, I don't exactly have pics of my Vegas elopement), & I feel embarrassed. My wedding day was supposed to be the prime of my life, my day to be a princess, & instead I was sick, bloated, and my dress was a money saving tactic rather than something that made me feel beautiful. Honestly, it looked like my body was possessed by the marshmallow man. I can't stand it. I'm not the me that everyone sees right now, & it bothers me that sometimes it's the only me some people know. I know, I know, some people are jerks & some people don't matter, but am I a jerk because I don't like me like this? It's not healthy. It's not, and I don't like it. I'm going to change it for good.