Universal Receiver

The Red Cross says I'm a universal receiver. I can take any blood any time, anywhere.

According to good ole' Wikipedia "there is a popular belief in Japan that a person's ABO blood type...is predictive of their personality, temperament, and compatibility with others." Those with blood such as mine are said to be cool, controlled, & rational, but also critical & indecisive.

I suppose this analysis fits with the selfish nature of my blood, but what of it seeping into my personality, temperament & interpersonal compatibility? No,no,no. I reject that as a notion.

I am anything but cool & collected & as for being universally receptive - Psh! That's all I have to say. It took me 24 years just to learn to receive (& by receive I mean believe) a compliment.

"Jenny, you look beautiful today!" - Yeah sure. Whatever.

Sometimes I'm still not sure that I do. Sometimes I think, I'm probably one of the least receptive people in the world. In fact, I usually can't enjoy receiving anything because I think I don't deserve it. Why would anyone do anything that nice for me?

"Because they love you, Jenny." - Yeah sure. Whatever.

This is the extent of faith I exhibit in those I love. Even I realize it's utterly ridiculous. Even I realize it's all within me.

But how to recognize what's right in front of my eyes (red light/green light when I'm color blind), I obviously still haven't learned that yet.

I catch glimpses at it, moments of splendor when I see the world with open eyes, but then it's gone & I'm me again, just as I've ever been.

I'm not very good at this line upon line thing. In my eyes it's all or nothing, perfect or fallen & I constantly fall short of the mark. No part of me ever really expects to make the mark, but still I try & fall, proving myself right each time.

Me, me, me, me, me. Alone, ALone, ALOne, ALONe, ALONE. Surprize, surprize.

Caitlyn's right. I think it's about time that I start believing Christ.