Lessons of Old

As I sat in Sacrament meeting Sunday, a bitter taste filled my mouth. I reached into my purse & pulled out a package of Icebreakers. As I did, I recalled an instance from my mission.

I was sitting in Sacrament meeting on that day too, waiting for services to begin. Beside me to the right sat a young girl & to my left my companion. I remembered in passing that I had one Cream Saver left in my bag, tucked neatly beside a copy of the Book of Mormon. As my hand emerged from my bag, I saw the young girl's eyes widen. "Cream Savers are my favorite," she said longingly. "Mine too," I said with a smile & popped it into my mouth. As I turned to face forward, I saw my companion's eyes widen. "She wanted that candy, Sister," my companion said in a harsh hushed tone. "So did I," I said, "& it was my last one. I'd have given it to her if I had another." "Did I really just say that," I thought to myself. "I did not come all the way out here, thousands of miles from my family & everything I've ever known just to be selfish."

"If ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth."

Nothing. That's what I felt like the second I realized what I'd done to that little girl. I'd taught her a lesson on how not to be Christlike. I'd done the opposite of my intentions as a missionary. I was the one who had failed.

As I pondered that earlier occurrence & opened my package of Icebreakers I noticed that the labels on the tabs were reversed. Over the tiny hole it said "to share" & over the large one, "not to share." It made me think of how important it is to remember that it is in these moments when we feel least inclined to be Christlike, or "to share," that we need more than ever to open our hearts fully to those around us. This time, when the opportunity came, I offered one candy to the person at my left & one to the person at my right & I was sorely tempted to just pass it down the aisle so that no one was left out. I learned a great lesson in that small occasion on my mission, & though there are times that it still does not sink in, it has changed me. I think, in the end, that is what the Atonement is all about, turning rough stones into beautifully crafted gems by freeing us of one piece of debris at a time.